Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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