Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
