I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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