Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
