Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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