Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
