Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Enjoy the penises
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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