He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
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