Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Randomize
