I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
