you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
