Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
i think i just lost a toe
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Randomize
