I can tuck mytits in my pants
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
