A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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