It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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