Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
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