Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
