wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
