That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Randomize
