One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
