The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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