New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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