My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I will be naked everywhere
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Randomize
