i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
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