super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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