my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize
