No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
