I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
