I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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