I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
