3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
dude i'm inner monologue high
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
