I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Randomize
