Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
