if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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