I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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