I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
