I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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