I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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