kristin has been a bad kristin
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Randomize
