Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
