she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
