She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Randomize
