Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
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