the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
