I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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