There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
