She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
