i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
