yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
