Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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